Keeping Up With Colie

So, church this morning was just for me!!! I am convinced of it. I was encouraged in what I already knew, but was drowning in the day to day of chiari junk, that I was beginning to forget that God is still God, chiari or not! I am digging in my heels, determined that I am going to live the life God intended for me to live, and nothing will get in the way of that. This is a bump in the road, but a bump that God will use to build me, strengthen me, and give me an awesome testimony! I've already come in contact with so many people that I never would have know otherwise. If I can bring some Jesus Joy to the chiari world, then that's what I am going to do. God can choose to heal me immediately, and I pray for healing. I know that God did not cause chiari. But I also know that we live in a fallen world, a world with sin and suffering. That's not God's fault, that's humanity's fault. So anyway, I pray for healing, believing for healing, but I also pray that God uses me however He sees fit. He has an eternal perspective. He can see the bigger picture, and if I have to endure some of this right now for a reason unknown to me but known to God, then so be it. I trust Him.Chiari can surround me, surgeries can touch me, fear can try to grip me.....BUT GOD will never let me out of His sight. I can hold onto Him as He holds on to me, and takes me through a journey that I may not understand, but the beauty is that I don't have to! I know that God's plans are to prosper me, and to grow His church, and some diagnosis cannot stop that. Cannot and WILL NOT take my joy. God will use this.
My two word story (by the way, visit 2wordstory.com) was Joy? Joy. That since I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, my joy is no longer dependent on my circumstances, but my joy and hope is founded in Jesus Christ. I trust Him, and I love what He is doing with me. Even if He is not bringing immediate physical healing thus far, He is healing me in other ways, and using me in other ways, and because of that, I "count it as pure joy". I don't like chiari, don't want chiari, but I want more of God, and I trust that He is healing me. This was, and is, still so hard for me to understand. To pray and believe for healing without doubting, but also keep an eternal perspective, and trust in God's sovereignty.
I may not understand, and I may have difficult days, sad days, angry days, but this is normal. This is why we have brothers and sisters in Christ to build us up, and screw our heads back on straight when our thinking gets off kilter and doesn't line up with God's thinking. Even on those days, I am filled with a peace that I never would've had even just a few years ago. God is changing me, molding me.I'm learning, and growing. I'm a project that is far from being completed :0)
So, I guess I'm just writing this to let you know that no matter what happens, I am not giving up on the promises that God has made me. I am not abandoned. I am not alone. And chiari will not win. Even if it changes my life drastically, God has not and will not leave me. I'm digging in my heels. God will receive glory from my life no matter what chiari may do to me.
Joy? JOY.

Technical update: We leave for my first neurosurgeon appointment next Sunday. Please pray for wisdom as I speak with Dr. Tew.
Please pray for peace and understanding for Elizabeth. Pray that God uses all of this in her life to show her His power and comfort. Pray that the Holy Spirit touches her heart, and gives her peace. She has put two and two together and figured out that she may have chiari as well. Pray that I am a good example to her.
Continue to pray for healing in Allison's body. She has so many symptoms that it can be overwhelming. But God...
Pray for peace in Michael's heart. Pray that he is able to face what is happening in God's strength. Pray for financial provision.   Pray for wisdom as he leads our family.
Pray that these thyroid masses are gone.
Pray that my spine is strengthened and realigned. 
Pray for my memory and fine motor skills.
Pray that my thoughts would be His thoughts, for daily renewal of our minds. Strength in the "battlefield of our minds".
Pray that I make good decisions in my activities and don't do things to aggravate this condition unless otherwise directed by God
Praise God - I have had very little numbness in my back after months of constant numbness. I have had a very mild pain this weekend compared to last week, completely tolerable. I did not have digestive bleeding and can continue on the pain medication that helps so much. I am sleeping well. And God is providing for us as we are obedient to Him. Praise God that we know what's going on finally!
Praise God for the countless things He has done in our lives and your life this week.

Okay, I'm done. Thank you for your prayers, for caring, and for reading my rambling. Forgive me when I express things that line up with my flesh and not God's word. I'm doing my best to just be real with how I feel, and I'm still learning. If I ever write something that is biblically  unsound, correct me (with love, please).  Pray for me, and help me get through this.
Love to you,
Colie